The Eighty-Second: Wise Words

The year ends in somewhere close to 30 hours, so I'm doing something I actually haven't done before; resolutions.

Write a script and finish it

Exercise at least 100 times in the year

Read books

Find inspiration
Find motivation
Alter the perception of myself
Cook
Take better care of my body
Relax
Save money more efficiently
Create something to be proud of
Go out
Put more effort into seeing people
Work off debt

Little things, ongoing things. I feel that the coming year has a completely new feeling.

I feel really good about it. Finally.

The Eighty-First: Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall

I don't surround myself with people I don't like. Sounds simple enough, but if I don't like someone, I won't keep them around. I quit a job because of a sexist, idiotic manager. Everyone always says that there is "that" person in every job. Well you know what? I disagree. I think that if you find a workplace with enough like-minds, then you won't encounter such loveless people. I'm thinking about this because of my exploits from the past few weeks in Sydney and Adelaide.

They weren't the most spectacular trips in terms of destinations, but they were so incredibly fun and joyous because of the people that I was with. Sure, the places that we went to and the things we saw did make up a part of the experience, but I often wonder what the point of travelling alone is. You make new friends along the way, in which case you're only momentarily travelling alone until you get new company. Everybody needs others to share their journeys. Insert quote about how it's not what you do in life, it's who you do it with. If this is the case and really, I know it is, then I am going to be living a seriously great life, full of people constantly making fucking idiots of themselves and laughing about it.

The organic feeling of happiness that comes with making amazing new friends is irreplaceable.

The Eightieth: All Of The Things

I am beyond happy to do nothing today. To have no agenda and just, chill out.

My housemate's brother is staying with us at the moment and the three of us have had two great nights of restaurant dinners and drinks. I almost forgot what it was like to enjoy going out without having to think about what's coming up in the next few days or what else I should be doing or how much whatever I'm doing is costing me. Those stupid subconscious thoughts infiltrate all the time and somehow find a way to permeate into my conscious mind which is super annoying. Seriously, go away, nobody likes you, anxiety.

As I said though, I am more than content re: today. It's Melbourne Cup day and the aforementioned sister-brother duo are heading off to the races whilst I have an ACTION PACKED DAY OF ADVENTURE AND ACTIVITY in the forms of Star Wars Battlefront II and scriptwriting. It's fun to not have a deadline with my script and to just be able to work on it as I please. I'm starting to think of ideas during the day and lol like a crazy person, on the tram, sitting on my own. It's fun when that happens though because I then start plotting out entire episodes and character arcs from those ideas. I think, and this is a stretch, I might be....creative? YES! I have something to go on! I'm not a total loss!

I got my sister and another friend of mine to read the draft thus far, and they both had similar, positive responses. I actually value what they say as well because I know they won't lie just to caress my tiny, tiny ego or lie to make me not want to die from lack of talent. They've both got knowledge and/or experience with film and TV so their opinions matter to me. Anyway, at least I know I'm on the right track. Ish. I'm not entirely sure I believe there's any track that my life is on, but never fear, trains aren't always on tracks...(?)

That's my highly intelligent "proverb" for the day. Can't you tell I'm destined to be a writer?

The Seventy-Ninth: I See The Light

I took Kate to the airport this morning around 7am. On the way home, I had this sudden burst of energy. I went to Coles and bought a whole lot of food and some lightbulbs. Yes, lightbulbs (because I get so many good ideas trololol...anyone? no?). Also, Coles is eerily quiet at that time of morning. I felt like I should've started a parade in the condiments aisle just to create some ambience. Anyway, once I was home, I went into a mcflurry of speed and determination. I changed SIX lightbulbs. I really do just have to reiterate that at 8am on a Friday morning, when everyone was sleeping, I was prancing around doing housework like a fucking wizard.

I was almost at the point where I needed someone to start telling a joke. It would've gone like this.

Random Person: "How many 22 year old girls does it take to change six lightbulbs?"

Me: "JUST ONE MOTHERFUCKERSSSSSSS!"

That's when I'd burst into the room enveloped in machine guns and blow everyone's minds with my mad skillz, with a 'z'.

I don't even really know what I'm writing about entirely, but I know that it works in my head and I'm really excited about lightbulbs. Even better, I keep misspelling lightbulbs as "lightblubs" which makes me think of ethereal goo floating through the air.

Geez, did I eat crack for breakfast?

You may notice that I mentioned a 22 year old girl. Good guess, I turned 22! My birthday was a month ago and was a massive non-event. I was supposed to have a birthday dinner with 6 or so friends, but then 2 of them cancelled (sluts) so I decided it wasn't worth it. Not to say that the other 4 weren't worth it, I just enjoyed the larger group dynamic.

I've also recently been writing a TV show with Lani. We've been brainstorming back and forth for at least 6 weeks now, but I finally stopped procrasti-cleaning and actually put finger to keyboard. So far I have 7 pages of script, which logic says should be 7 minutes of footage, but I believe it to be closer to 10. FUCK THE SYSTEM!

I think all of the writing and cleaning has started to alter my brain patterns. In a good way. I've started thinking about things in a more productive manner as oppose to just losing my mind to the TV all day. Damn how I love my TV. I think they forgot to add "Thou shalt have Foxtel" to the list of commandments.

So now, in my newly lit loungeroom, I shall continue writing.

The Seventy-Eighth: Untitled

Walk taller, stand firmer,
See sharper, shout louder,
Think clearer, dream bigger,
Breathe deeper, live better.

The Seventy-Seventh: Get In My Ears

Listen up.

40 Mark Strasse - The Shins
Some Nights - Fun
Wide Awake - Katy Perry
Act Yr Age - Bluejuice
Do It Like A Dude - Jessie J
Warrior (ft A-Trak & Mark Foster) - Kimbra
Gold On The Ceiling - The Black Keys
Sleepyhead - Passion Pit
Cheers (Drink To That) - Rihanna
Tongue Tied - Grouplove
212 - Azealia Banks
Marvin's Room - Drake
New Lands - Justice
Embody - Sebastian
Hangin' On - Active Child
Party (ft. André 3000) - Beyoncé
Blue Jeans - Lana Del Rey
Hands - Alpine
Cold War - Janelle Monae
Young Blood - The Naked and Famous
The Piper's Song - Gypsy and the Cat
Heavy Metal Lover - Lady Gaga
Gotta Have It - Kanye West & Jay-Z
Monster - Kanye West

The Seventy-Sixth: Stay Young, Go Dancing

You know those times when you watch a movie and wish you were where the characters are, doing what they're doing, hanging out with who they're hanging out with? That's my whole life. If anything, it's just another reason I want to make films. I want to create those scenarios for other people to immerse themselves in and desire. To write about bonfire nights on beach shores with dancing and music and and friends. Family holidays at Christmas time where everyone gets drunk and sings "Take On Me" by Aha. The Greek Islands with new friends and new experiences. A story where a girl with no idea about her life goes travelling and find things she could never have hoped for. There are all these ideas and stories that come to the surface when I watch films, and mostly, they've already been made. But I want to put a new spin on them. Create what I would want to see, as an audience member. Put them in Australia, but not the outback. Have them struggle with relationships, but not with money. Have there be trouble, but not gang-affiliated. I swear there must be 10,000 or more people that have similar thoughts, it's just that no one will throw any sort of money towards ideas like this here in Oz. Well, someday, they'll have to throw some of that money my way because my films will be great. 

The Seventy-Fifth: It Ain't Me, Babe

I am frequently astounded at the amount of times I am not willing to put the blame on myself. I find other ways, other people to say "it was because of that that I didn't do this". It's so hard to stop using something as an excuse for not doing anything and finally taking back control of what it is that you want to be doing. I've found that when you can blame someone or something else, you don't have to take any sort of responsibility for failing. In fact, you can accept zero responsibility for not even trying, when the only person you're hurting is yourself.

The Seventy-Fourth: Meanderthal

SO MUCH HAS CHANGED SO MUCH IS GOING ON SO MANY EXCITING THINGS IN MY LIFE!

Hashtag sarcasm.

Still plodding along. Occasionally having brief moments of inspiration but they've fizzled out in due course.

I'm really into The West Wing at the moment. Hearing Aaron Sorkin's words on screen is seriously, seriously amazing. He is such a gifted writer.

I honestly wish I had more to report.

Oh, I started playing social basketball with some friends over here. That is all.

The Seventy-Third: Oh The Woes Of Me

"So this is the new year...and I don't feel any different..."

Death Cab sum it up quite nicely don't they? It's true. It is a new year, and everything feels pretty much the same as it always has. I don't feel any sort of "THIS YEAR WILL BE THE YEAR!" epiphany or such. I feel pretty average actually. For some reason I still haven't written, which I am putting down to laziness, and I have bills piling up quietly. I say quietly, but really it's because I'm ignoring them.

One of my best friends is moving to London in a matter of weeks, everyone seems to be graduating from uni and getting exciting jobs, and the rut that I complained about 2 years ago still appears to be relevant. This is such a repeating conversation. Ugh. I'm going to stop talking about it now.

On the upside of anger, we had our opening night for "Cocktails and Cocktales" yesterday. I found myself laughing at some of the jokes, which is weird considering how many times I've read the script/seen them rehearse. It was a good night, no, a great night. That will be repeated another 8 times. Hopefully.

Now I'm going to venture out of the house and down to the shops where I will buy strawberry jam because I forgot to buy it last time I went (half an hour ago) (it's made me far, far more annoyed than it should).