The Thirty-Third: Just Because I'm Losing

It's that time again.

And by "that time", I mean that time that I feel desolate. Seems to be coming 'round a lot lately. Reasoning? Well let me think...

I'm not at uni; yes that's a choice. I don't wish to continue with nor go back to an educational facility. I'll walk out thinking I can run the world when in the meantime I could've been piecing together a portfolio of smarter things ie. experience. I'm not working either. It's fun I tell you, waking up and not having a single thing to do. Sound like a cakewalk? It's not. You have time to think. Too much time. Time to write things like this.

Also, I think I have things, but really, I don't. They might say that I have them, but that's not true. I don't really have you. I know those things want other things. Or maybe they need other things; things that I can't be.

Is there a point to this? Yes. There is.

It's about the light. That one at the end of the tunnel that everyone is gradually moving towards. No, it's not death. This light is the metaphorical light that represents our desired outcome from a situation that we're struggling through. I'm in a rut and my light at the end of the tunnel is Europe. In 17 days from now, on June the 18th, I finally leave on my 6am flight to London, stopping over in Dubai (for just an hour mind you). Flight time totalling 18 hours, all whilst sitting next to my best friend Kate. She might kill me by the end. By the time we're in London, it'll be about 6.30pm, still on the 18th. We're hoping to be in our hotel and back out ready to eat dinner by about 8:30pm, but who knows. At this point, I should also mention that we're on a hardcore diet right now, in preparation for the joys of European food. Good idea? Who knows that either. But we're doing it! That first meal in London will be so intensely satisfying. I'll probably order a plate of chocolate.

From there, it's a few days in London, up to Newark, over to Amsterdam then back to London before embarking on our "London to Athens plus Greek Island hopping" Contiki tour. My god, just writing that is exciting.

It's my light.

"Just because I'm losing, doesn't mean I'm lost."