The Fifteenth: The Dead of the Night

This post is coming to you straight from my white sheeted bed, via an iPhone. As per the title, it may occur to you that it is very late, or that the night is quiet. This is true on both accounts, but the reason for this title is because it shares it's name with the book I am currently reading. It is book two in the John Marsden "Tomorrow Series", considered to be one of the best series for Australian teens. They're making them into films I believe.

Speaking of films, I've been writing again. I had a 6 week hiatus from writing, but suddenly I've had the urge to write again. You see, it all depends where you find solace. I find mine in writing. Others find it in a place, or a relationship, or perhaps music etc. I love my music more than most things, and obviously film is a huge part of me as well, but the fact that I'm writing FOR film makes it easier for me to link my thoughts and passions together.

There are days when I think I know exactly what I want in my life, but I know that this so called fact is a lie. No one knows, really. Sometimes I think I only need one person, but that one person needs more than just me, they just don't know it.

We all need more than we think we do; sometimes we just don't like to ask for help.

The Fourteenth: Motivate

My dog is currently 10 months old and requires a great amount of exercise.

I'm 19 years old and I too require a great amount of exercise. The thing is though, unlike my puppy, I don't have the motivation to just dash outside and run back and forth for half an hour. I wish I did though. I need the motivation to do the exercise to get the body I need to travel to Europe! Mouthful.

It's also rather annoying watching the Winter Olympics right now because I feel like I want to go snowboarding but clearly I can't in the Perth heat.

Hopefully I'll find some motivation soon to get into gear.

You know what's funny? That part in Twilight where Edward Cullen has to bite the pillow during sex. Ha.

The Thirteenth: Skeletons

Today, I began to clean out my closet.

There's a lot of clothes in there, considering it's a walk in robe. But also considering I haven't truly gone through it with heavy scrutiny in a few years. I came across a lot of t-shirts, dresses, skirts and pants that I didn't need or had forgotten about. My fashionista friend Emma Joy came over and swooped up a very large pile that she was determined to cut and change into new clothes, so I'm happy that some of the material will get reused. Fairly sure I'm still a little uncertain about a particular set of clothes that I had to discard. At least 5 pairs of pants and several tops were thrown to the wayside. The significance of these garments is that they were bought for me by someone who is no longer around. They were also bought in London. So on top of the fact that I couldn't walk out and buy another pair whenever I like, I had to say final farewells to a lot of memories that I otherwise would've been content to keep buried close by in my closet. Now, I have hardly anything left to wear in my depleting arsenal of clothes; it's very annoying.

On the other hand though, I feel different.

Perhaps it's closure.

Perhaps it's change.

It almost feels like that lost feeling you get when you see a really good movie where the characters leave you wishing your life was like theirs. I get that a lot.

The Twelfth: Night

At night, you think about things more. I don't know whether it's the dark, or the fact that you're on your own (well some of us are), but everything tends to just culminate into a giant rolling stone of thoughts. In recent times, I think more about things than I should. Overthinking would be the correct term.

A friend told me today though that I "shouldn't keep unnecessary thoughts in my conscious if they don't need to be there". It makes so much sense now that I think about it, but it's easier said than done. I can't stop thinking. Thinking is just so easy, and addictive. And I don't mean just thinking about anything. I'm talking about the kind of thinking that leads you down really philosophical paths of memories and the future. It's scary. How many times have I said a conjugation of the verb 'to think' now? 9 including the one I just mentioned. I wish I could stop. I want to get rid of some of the things in my mind that might not need to be there.

But that's not how this works, is it? Sometimes I wish that I could simply make things go away, or go back to a 'normal' way of dealing with life. Obviously I'm not going to spill my thoughts onto the web, but writing things like this down actually helps. Maybe in the future when I make something of myself, which I will, someone will scroll back through pages of my mindless babble and actually learn or appreciate something from all of these posts.

Alternatively, no one will read them and this blog will get thrust into oblivion.

Either way, I won't stop writing them.